Jerry and Sue have been married for 21 years. They have 3 children in high school. Jerry is a high-level bank executive and Sue is a high school teacher. Their relationship has deteriorated to the point where they go long periods without speaking to each other – ‘two ships passing in the night’. When they talk it invariably erupts into a shouting match. They both have had enough and have decided to separate.
They’ve heard of a process called Mediation and that it’s a positive way to divorce and much less expensive than Court proceedings. They’ve also heard that Mediation can minimize the fallout effect of separation on the children and help the parties communicate after the divorce.
They’ve also heard that Mediation only works where the parties have good communication to begin with.
Well, Dear Readers, I’m here to tell you that all of the above are correct except the last item. The premise that only spouses who have good communication can mediate their divorce is unrealistic. The primary reason why a marriage deteriorates is because couples don’t or can’t communicate with each other. For example, where one party wants to address issues as they come up and the other party sweeps issues under the rug; this will lead to an inevitable deterioration of the relationship as the pile under the rug becomes a minefield.
If Mediation is only reserved for parties who can communicate with each other, then Mediators would be out of business!
There are many Mediation models. In one model, Jerry and Sue would attend at the Mediation with their lawyers. In another model, Jerry and Sue would attend at the Mediation on their own.
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Until next time!
Anne Freed holds a BA (Honours Sociology), JD (Juris Doctor, Law Degree), Master of Laws Degree (LL.M.) in Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), Advanced Training in Mediation, Arbitration and Collaborative Practice, Certification in Collaborative Practice, as well as over 38 years’ experience in the practice of Family Law, Family Mediation and Arbitration. Anne also is a Certified Family Law Mediator. In addition, Anne is a Certified Specialist in Family Mediation (FDRP Med) and OAFM Accredited Family Mediator (AccFM).
© Anne E. Freed, September 2025
416-368-0700
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